Grace Like Rain

“And Hallelujah, Grace like rain falls down on me”

The first time I heard these lyrics, there was a three-fold reaction, heartbreak, surrender, and belief.  To be honest, I couldn’t even tell you which one came first.  It was the moment I become acutely aware of my sinful nature, the Lord’s love, and God’s willingness to show me the grace I did not deserve.  Somewhere there had to be knowledge of these things when I gave my life to the Lord, but the understanding of these things became so much more clear when I heard this song.  I have struggled most of my Christian walk to fall in line with the rest of the Body of Christ.  There was always this thought that I could never be as “good” as them.  I didn’t realize that I had been trying to live down a reputation that haunted me for years.  I wanted so badly to be “good” and have a reputation that was fitting of a good Christian woman.  The thought was, to fit in with them, I had to be like them, and I wasn’t.

           
 “And Hallelujah, my stains are washed away”

I thought when I accepted Christ that I wouldn’t struggle with sin anymore.  I went to church every Sunday; I was serving in ministry and attended bible study weekly.  I was doing all the things that you do when you are a “good” Christian.  The problem was I still felt the emptiness of what I thought was an unfulfilled life.  I thought for sure that something must be wrong with me.  There were many times I even questioned my salvation.  The thought was that if I were truly saved, I wouldn’t ache like this, and I would be a good woman who couldn’t be drawn into sin.  I tried so hard in my own might to be “good”.  I failed…. often.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me”

I was unaware of the depth and draw of my humanity and the truama of my past that I didn't know still plagued me.  I had read it in scripture, but it just didn’t click. It didn’t click until…. I came face to face with my sin of pride and rebellion. It’s the whole “head-knowledge, heart-knowledge” thing.  I believed in God with my whole heart, and I believed in forgiveness but I struggled with understanding the love of Christ, and I also struggled with grace; grace for myself and grace with others.  One might ask how that is possible, and explaining that would take much longer than this blog post.  Even if we were to sit down over coffee, I don’t know that I could articulate very well. The best I can come up with is that on some level I must have believed that the love of Christ was based on my actions, not His heart.  It wasn’t until I was in a season of rebellion and willful sin that I came to understand the actual love of Christ and the buckets of grace that He had been pouring over me.  I was angry that life was not what I thought it should be, not in the church, not in my family, not in my heart.  I was disappointed, I was hurt and I was angry.

And then…. Grace Like Rain

It was a moment, just one moment, like turning on a light in a dark room.  When I heard this song the Lord allowed me to see my sin, His love, and the grace that covered me.  It was abundant, not lacking in any area, complete.  Even in my sin, Jesus made intercession for me, his grace pouring out.   I could not deny any longer the love of Christ and the grace that He offered.  He made a way where there was no way out of the mess and the mud.   I understood at that moment that I could not be “good” on my own, but only through Christ. It was the way for me to walk in my redeemed life, different from others, but not separate, united in Him.  The Holy Spirit used the lyrics of a song to teach me about the love and grace I did not know how to accept before.  It was the lyrics of "Grace Like Rain" that helped me to see not an unfulfilled life but one complete in Christ.